April 2021 – Cambridgeshire Hallmark Hotel

In April 2021, the society will be heading to the Cambridgeshire Hallmark Hotel at Bar Hill, just 5 miles from Cambridge.

What the club says:

The 6,750, 18-hole, par 72 Cambridgeshire golf course is designed to challenge seasoned golfers whilst also providing a beautiful vista from which to relax and really enjoy your game. We’ve hosted players such as Nick Faldo, Tom Watson and Seve Ballesteros. Why not follow in their footsteps around one of East Anglia’s finest golf courses?

Hallmark Hotel, Cambridge

Hallmark Hotel, Cambridge

Venue: Hallmark Hotel Cambridge, Bar Hill, Cambridge, CB23 8EU

Dates: Saturday 10th, Sunday 11th and Monday 12th April 2021

Further details to follow, please get in touch if you were not already signed up for October 2020 and wish to attend in April 2021.

October 2020 – Cambridgeshire Hallmark Hotel CANCELLED

In October 2020, the society were due to visit the Cambridgeshire Hallmark Hotel at Bar Hill, just 5 miles from Cambridge.

Unfortunately, following consultation with the hotel in Cambridge, and due to the Covid restrictions they will still have in place for October (no presentations, household-only room and meal- sharing options etc), the committee have decided to cancel the WCAGS autumn 2020 meeting.

Whilst the cancellation of both our April and October meets this year is disappointing, we believe the safety of all our members is the only significant consideration.

So, all being well, we will have our next meeting in Cambridge in April 2021. Dates for your diary are Saturday 10th through Monday 12th April 2021.

Deposits already paid will be rolled forward to next April, but if you have any queries about this, please contact us.

 

2019 Match Reports

WC&AGS vs The Lady Taverners Ladies, Thursday 8th August

Played at Sunningdale Heath in Surrey, the players enjoyed a lovely bacon roll and coffee on arrival. The weather was good, and the heather was the best they had seen for a good few years – very pretty unless you landed in it!!

Taking on the short but tricky course, the pairings were Ali Thornber-Taft and Clare Mulvaney, Jane Thornber-Taft and Anne Crawley, and Carol Brown-Kenyon (CBK) and a friend of Mulvaney’s, Liz Shutler. Anne Crawley and Jane particularly enjoyed the chance to nip through the fence and pay a very quick, slightly illicit visit to Sunningdale course next door!

A lovely day was had by all, rounded off with tea, sandwiches and homemade cake.  WCA&GS came out overall winners 2-1. Hostess Chris Watmough was very pleased as it was only the 2nd time we have won the trophy. Thanks to all WC&AGS members who turned out.

WCAGs vs Lady Taverners 2019

WCAGs vs Lady Taverners 2019

 

WC&AGS vs MCC, Wednesday 5th September 2019
In the annual fixture against the MCC men’s golf society, the regional rotation found the players visiting Fulford Heath in Birmingham.

With the WC&AGS having won the 2018 fixture 5-1, the MCC were out for a bit of good-natured, gentlemanly revenge. Only 2 players on their side had handicaps above 20 – they meant business! Fortunately our team was just as strong, and we’d borrowed a couple of guests from Fulford to bring in some local course knowledge.

mcc-flag-team-photo-2019

MCC vs WCAGS, Fulford Heath, 2019

Clarkie (nominated captain for the day) and local member Georgina had the honour of teeing it up first, and found themselves playing against former England batsman, Dennis Amiss and the man with the best stripy MCC socks, Dan O’Sullivan. A steady start from Georgina gave our first pairing a one point lead after 9 holes.

Second out were Claire Jenkins (also a member at Fulford) and Shirley Taylor. Whirl had clearly packed her “A” game in the car that morning, scoring a whopping 5 pointer on one hole! Third pair were Jane TT and Fulford guest Louise Parker, who looked fairly handy playing off 12.

The fourth pairing were Ali TT and Coral, who had a very close game until a shift of momentum/better stamina kicked in on the 15th, 16th and 17th eventually putting daylight between their score and the MCC chaps.

Fifth group on the course were Baggie and Lesley. Despite the MCC’s skipper Brian Thompson having also nicked local member and seniors captain Andy Harris (playing off 8), Baggie is also a member at Fulford and put her local knowledge to exceptionally good use. At one point, smoke was seen over the course (ok, big black clouds) as Baggie was on fire – she said she’d played “the round of my life!” and scored an enormous 42 points on her own.

The final pairing were Ruth Bailey and Chris Knight. Bails, having made a characteristically late entrance, and Chris were up against MCC stalwart Julian Batson (13) and Tom Crisp (15) – perhaps the MCC’s secret weapons were being deployed last?

In the first group, Clarkie eventually began to find some long drives on the back nine, and also contributed a 4-point birdie 2 on the signature 16th hole – par 3, uphill, over water. Not a daunting tee shot at all!

fulford-heath-16th

The Signature 16th Hole at Fulford Heath – uphill, over the water

The back nine was more clear cut than the front, and Clarkie and Georgina ran out winners by 5 points.

As first pair back in the clubhouse, Clarkie was keeping track as the pairs came in and it soon became clear the WC&AGS were on for a big win. There was very nearly a whitewash until the last group arrived back having halved the match – allowing the MCC to salvage a small amount of pride!

The scores were:-

Dan O’Sullivan (15) and Dennis Amiss (16) Sarah Clarke (17) and Georgina Foxwell (20) 36-41 WCAGS win
John O’Driscoll (15) and Trevor Shepherd (16) Claire Jenkins (17) and Shirley Taylor (24) 33-38 WCAGS win
Jonathan Harris (14) and Bob Cooke (22) Jane Thornber-Taft (18) and Louise Parker (12) 35-36 WCAGS win
John Lockwood (12) and Rupert Morris (18) Ali Thornber-Taft (22) and Coral Handley (23) 35-37 WCAGS win
Andy Harris (8) and Brian Thompson (21) Maria Bagust (19) and Lesley Smith (20) 28-44 WCAGS win
Tom Crisp (15) and Julian Batson (13) Ruth Bailey (11) and Chris Knight (22) 36-36 Halved

Final result: WC&AGS won 5 1/2 to 1/2

WC&AGS retain trophy

Dennis Amiss presents the trophy on behalf of the MCC

After a lovely two course meal, the trophy was presented by Dennis Amiss to Captain Clarkie. Huge thanks to Sue Redfern who did all the organising with Fulford but was unable to actually take part due to the ICC World T20 qualifiers clashing with our fixture – how rude! Next year’s match will be played at High Post in Wiltshire on Friday 4th September 2020.

Clarkie

April 2019 – Ullesthorpe

In April 2019, the WCAGS returned to Ullesthorpe Court in Leicestershire.

DAY 1

Unusually for a WCA weekend, this meet found us running up to and into the Easter weekend. Also unusually around a bank holiday, the players who arrived on the Wednesday to begin play were met with warm weather and a favourable forecast for all three days.

The society welcomed back some old friends who have been absent recently, with Chair Taff Martin returning for her final meet in the top seat. Chris Watmough was also back and playing again, sporting a snazzy low maintenance hairstyle. Also rather pleasingly, a number of debutants from the last meet were not scared away and came back for more.

Unfortunately your usual correspondent was unable to attend this event, so very little can be reported about the first day of play. The competition format was a Waltzer with a twist in 4 balls, and the course at Ullesthorpe was in excellent condition. The greens were fast and undulating presenting a fine challenge, which some players evidently mastered better than others.

Nearest the pin in two on the par 4 5th hole went to Angie Bainbridge. From the elevated tee on the railway embankment over the valley to the 12th, Sarah Wenn had the deadliest aim.

Ullesthorpe Golf Club Course Map

Ullesthorpe Golf Club Course Map

The team results were:
1st: Angie Bainbridge, Jane Thornber-Taft, Anne Brown, Chris Watmough – 138 points
2nd: Kate Brown , Claire Jenkins, Chris Knight, Sue Thornley – 123 points
3rd: Ruth Bailey, Lesley Smith, Megan Botha, Remi Russell – 113 points

Nearest the pin in 2 on 5th: Angie Bainbridge
Nearest the pin on 12th: Sarah Wenn

During the evening’s fines, Anne Brown was apparently targeted mercilessly for multiple indiscretions during the day, as was Gill Smith for her demonstration of caddying skills – she was not able to play due to an ongoing frozen shoulder problem. The wine and prosecco was flowing liberally, except for those in training for more strenuous events – Sue Thornley was just one week away from running the 2019 London Marathon in aid of the Dementia Revolution charity in memory of her mum.

(Side note: Sue finished in 5 hours 42 minutes and 37 seconds, a fantastic achievement – and she raised over £2000 for her charity).

DAY 2

The second day of the April meet is always Championship day, where individual prizes are up for grabs in silver, bronze and copper divisions, and an Over 70s category, alongside the team competition. The format for the teams was an Am-Am with 2 to count on par 4s and 5s, and all to count on par 3s. The lake halfway up the first hole claimed more than its fair share of balls off the tee, for which anyone who suffered this fate was fined that evening.

Other wayward shots throughout the day were reported, along with some unusual commentary from Chris Bailey in particular:- most golfers, when hitting an errant shot that might endanger others, are encouraged to shout “FORE!”, but Bailey has never exactly been conventional and decided instead to shout “BUSH!” – at least her object recognition skills are still intact.

The multi-talented Alison Simmonds was once again in attendance at the meet, not playing but acting as ball spotter and finder extraordinaire, photographer, and on this particular day, caddie and chauffeur for Freda N. Ali’s no-nonsense style was perhaps a little forceful for an octogenarian player – she was overheard several times shouting “get out!” (of the buggy) at her player. Admittedly, she had been parked next to the ball for some time!

Golfers at WCAGS

Liz, Ali Simmonds, Freda N & Clare M

Elsewhere on the course (as reported during fines), Chris Knight was observed doing a striptease to remove an unnecessary base layer in the warm conditions, and Jo Osborne managed to hit the bag of her team captain, our El Presidente. Angie Bainbridge was seen forcing her teammates to drink magic potion (it worked, see results below!), and Clare Mulvaney was witnessed having a little bit of a tantrum (“f*#€ it, I’m not going to catch it!”) when her trolley decided to take itself off into some bushes.

Anne Brown was fined for showing sympathy to Lorna over her hearing problems, which they had been discussing during the day whilst sharing a buggy. To be clear, Anne wasn’t actually fined for showing sympathy, but for referring to Lorna’s condition as “tittinus”. Meg was also fined for forgetting to bring the dolly to the meet.

Back to the golf – Gill Smith was once again showing her caddying prowess. However, on the 16th there was a bit of an incident – the group Smithy was with were putting out, and Pyl’s trolley was attempting to escape while the group were distracted. Smithy tried to shut the trolley off, but as reported later during fines, it went something like this:

Smithy: I’m not quite sure how I mixed up “Off” with “Rev the damn thing up to full speed” but I did. I think I was only completely horizontal for one and a half seconds. Fortunately I then remembered my old Ruth Prideaux coaching fielding routines. I dropped the left shoulder…

Taff: (interjects) That’s not the frozen one

Smithy: …and rolled forwards, remembering to point my toes as my legs were at their height. Upon rising I then managed to find “Off”.

(Semi-hysterical laughing from the group from this point on)

Smithy: However, I must thank my ex-Vagabond colleague Clare Mulvaney for her dramatic long barrier intervention…

Clare Mulvaney: I’ve never done one in my life!

Ali Simmonds: I can vouch for that!

Smithy: …that actually prevented the trolley screeching off at 30 miles per hour towards the 14th tee. I should also like to thank Pyl, clearly a class fielding act in her time – she caught all 8 clubs as they left the trolley and hurtled towards her!

(Louder laughing)

Smithy: I was however, disappointed in Meg – she did not contribute to my saving, and I found “Smithy, I couldn’t move for laughing!” a very poor excuse

Meg: I was doubled over!

Smithy: So I apologise wholeheartedly to the society, and thank you (Taff) the chief of fines for your understanding. With love, embarrassment and willingness to pay a huge fine!

(Cheers and applause)

The team results were:

1st: Angie Bainbridge Lesley Smith, Lorna Rolfe, Ghost – 91 points
2nd: Ruth Bailey, Maria Bagust, Coral Handley, Ghost – 90 points
3rd: Sue Redfern, Sarah Wenn, Liz Whelan, Sue Thornley – 89 points

Nearest  Pin on 9th = Ruth Bailey
Nearest pin on 12th = Lesley Smith

Championship Results

Silver Champion – Angie Bainbridge – 39 points
Bronze Champion – Coral Handley – 34 points
Copper Champion – Remi Russell – 30 points
Over 70s Champion – Val Castle – 31 points

At the formal meeting of the weekend, 3 committee members were standing down and their replacements were elected. The society would like to thank Taff Martin for her leadership as Chairman, and Sarah Clarke will be taking over this role. Kate Brown stepped down as Secretary after two terms in post, and will be replaced by Alison Thornber-Taft. Anne Crawley and Ruth Bailey also stepped down as Competition Secretaries, and Jane Thornber-Taft will be in this role from October.

An amendment has been suggested to the constitution to shorten the length of term for the committee posts. This amendment will be drafted by the committee and circulated to the members, for discussion and voting at the AGM in October. As ever, thanks to all on the committee for their ongoing work in running the society.

Day 3

On Easter Monday, 24 out of 34 golfers stayed for the final day’s play, a 4-ball Texas Scramble (4 drives each), with one group of 9 hole players.

Golfers at WCAGS

Day 3 at WC&AGS, April 2019

Despite the disaster on day 2, Smithy once again valiantly took on the caddying role, this time for Liz Whelan. To her credit, Liz very quickly settled into the role of an aloof top professional, dismissively passing clubs back to her caddy without eye contact, and striding confidently ahead up the fairway while Smithy tried to keep up!

The lake on the 1st once again took several balls, and the pond by the 2nd took a couple too. Generally spirits were high even though  bodies were tired after 3 days on a relatively long course in (blissfully) warm weather. There was much jeering from the group behind watching from the top of the embankment as Liz, Sandy, Clarkie and Michelle all missed an 8 foot putt from Liz’s fantastic tee shot on the 9th. Smithy decided as caddy she’d obviously lined up the putt wrong, and left the group after 9 holes.

The last group arrived back at base around 1pm, and after most had ordered lunch, the final day’s prizes were awarded thus:

1st: Anne Crawley, Pauline Weeks, Chris Knight, Chris Bailey – 65.4
2nd: Clare Mulvaney, Kate Brown, Lorna Rolfe, Patsy Garner – 65.7
3rd: Ruth Bailey, Jane Thornber-Taft, Ali Thornber-Taft, Sue Thornley – 67.6

Nearest Pin on 2nd =  Ali Thornber-Taft
Nearest Pin on 10th =  No one hit the green

For the October meet, the society returns to Patshull Park in Shropshire. See you there!

2018 Match Reports

WC&AGS vs MCC 2018

In the first fixture since the decision to introduce regional rotation of the match against the MCC, both teams travelled to High Elms in Kent on a sunny August morning.

The course was in great condition, and so apparently was the golf of the WC&AGS! Playing 4 ball better ball, Pauline Weeks was in particularly fine fettle, chipping in from off the green and barely missing a putt.

The final score was a resounding win for the WC&AGS 5-1. The meal in the clubhouse was wonderful, made all the sweeter by Jo Osborne receiving the trophy on behalf of the team, which has been in MCC hands for far too long!

Thanks to all WCAGS ladies who played:-
Standing, L to R: Carol Brown-Kenyon, Ruth Bailey, Angie Bainbridge, Shirley Taylor, and Pauline Weeks
Sitting L to R: Mary Pyl, Clare Mulvaney, Remi Russell, Jo Osborne, (Radhi, playing for MCC), Kate Brown, Sandy Gristwood and Sarah Clarke.

WC&AGS vs MCC 2018

WC&AGS vs MCC, High Elms, 2018

The 2019 fixture will be played at Fulford Heath near Birmingham on Thursday 5th September 2019.

2017 Match Reports

WC&AGS vs Lansdown Golf Club Ladies
We had problems with The Lady Taverners match, communications between their players and a confusion over the date (their confusion not ours) resulted in a cancelled event. Chris W has agreed to organise next year!

The match v Lansdown was successful, in spite of rain early on, it cleared and off we went. Numbers were down, but we had three pairs and Pam C played a singles match with the Lansdown Captain of the Day. Thanks to all WCAGS members who turned out. We won quite comfortably, 3-1, and retained the Centenary Plate.

Pam receives the Lansdown Trophy

Pam receives the Lansdown Trophy

WC&AGS vs MCC
Good weather, well not bright warm sunshine, but no rain. Problems with numbers gave me a headache…however, we called on some Lansdown ladies who had been members of our Society previously, Guin Slade and Trish Ritchie with another Lansdown Past Lady captain filling in. As usual the MCC brought out some big guns, but with the format, 18 holes better ball Stableford, with the Lads playing off the white blocks and their card, while we played off the Ladies card results in a much fairer format. Unfortunately we lost 3-2, BUT if we had gone over overall points we would have WON!!!

Excellent post match meal. It was sad to hear that Alan Shine, the one-armed bandit of past matches, had died whilst on holiday. Alan had organised these matches for many years and was always full of fun and some dubious jokes!! It is important we keep these matches going, I know that Lords are very keen, as this fixture with the Chaps is the longest standing fixture in the history of the MCC Golf Society. The present organiser, Brian Thompson, has said there is no objection to this fixture being moved, but would hope to keep it in the South West/South East.

The Trophy is held in the trophy cabinet at Lansdown under lock and key.

My thanks to all WCAGS members who played, it is a drag to come down for just one match, but hopefully we can maintain playing these two matches. Jo in fact, got up at the crack of dawn and drove several thousand miles there and back to play against the Lansdown Ladies..dedication or what?!

Dates brought forward due to course maintenance, this involves hollow tyning!! Bath Race Days! And there is a pretty congested fixture list. Dates booked are August 28th v Lansdown Ladies and the 29th v The MCC.

Pip

Jan Brittin MBE

Our friend Jan Brittin (JB) passed away on 11th September 2017 after a long illness.

JB was a long standing member of our golf society and a world renowned international cricketer. J excelled at hockey, golf and cricket, and still holds the world record for the highest number of test runs. She is survived by her partner Ange, her parents Kevin and Maggie and dog Millie.

A collection of tributes and articles are collated here:

BBC Sport: Jan Brittin: England’s leading female Test run scorer dies aged 58
Surrey Cricket: Jan Brittin (1959-2017)
Crickether: Jan Brittin, The Idol’s Idol
The Guardian: Jan Brittin Obituary

JB’s funeral took place on Tuesday 26th September at the Surrey & Sussex Crematorium in Crawley, West Sussex. The Order of Service is available here for those that could not attend, or did not receive a copy on the day.

The collection at the funeral and fines raised (£138.65) at the October society meeting raised a total of £2668.65 for the St Peter and St James’ hospice, in memory of JB.

2016 Match Reports

WCA&GS v Lady Taverners – June 10
This match was held at the Sunningdale Ladies Course in Surrey. To put it politely the Lady Taverners are a bunch of bandits. All teams scored par or more! However, our first couple, Val and Ruth, lost by 36 points to 43, (FORTY THREE). Pyl and Shirley scored 40 points and lost to 47, (FORTY SEVEN). Jo and Francis Pope (a guest player from Lansdown) halved their match scoring 39 points apiece!

WCA&GS v Lansdown Ladies – September 20
This is the warm up game ready for the big-one against the MCC. It gives our players a chance to learn the course and prepare accordingly i.e. have a few beers. The format involved 6 holes of singles stableford, 6 holes of foursomes and 6 holes of Greensomes. Unfortunately, the opening holes were marred by the fresh application of fertilizer on wet greens making putting impossible and everything coming into contact with the ball turning blue. Playing today were Coral, Anne, Ruth, Pyl, Jackie, Gill, Pip, and Pam and the WCA&GS recorded a victory by 3 and a half matches to 1 and a half. Norma came along to support and over drinks recounted the story when on England duty the sleeves of her nightie had been sewn up – somehow can’t see that happening to Andrew Strauss.

WCA&GS v SW MCC– September 21
This was a very hard fought match against the MCC who loaded their team with some very good (low) handicappers! They were out for revenge from last year, but as always rising to a challenge the WCA&GS played their socks off and tied the match, with four games being decided on the 18th green. Playing were Clare, Ruth, Anne, Jacki, Pip, Gill, Pyl, plus guests from Lansdown ladies. A splendid carvery was devoured after the match, followed by jokes and speeches. Pip keeping us on tenterhooks with hers. These matches are fun so please look out for the sign-up sheets at Ullesthorpe.

October 2016 – Staverton Park

The recent meeting of the society took place at Staverton Park near Northampton from Monday 24th to Wednesday 26th October 2016.

Celebrating Freda and Shirley's 80th birthday

Celebrating Freda and Shirley’s 80th birthday

Editorial
The golfing season is bookended by two of the most eagerly awaited events, the WCA&GS meetings. So here we are at the back end of October at Staverton Park, near Daventry . Three days of chatting, laughing, ritual humiliation* and of course some golf.

Just to clarify any confusion (of which there was much) – the last time we descended on Staverton was in April 2011 when it was incredibly hot and before that in October 2008 when it snowed. Some remembered putting the ball through the snow watching it get bigger and bigger before settling above the hole unable to drop. The weather this time was neither of these and was just, proper autumnal.

Forty people had signed up but we lost three regulars, Claire Jenkins, Sue Thornley and Michelle Birch at the last minute through illness. (Nora V. was making an early winter appearance). Non-playing members were here but were rarely seen anywhere near the golf course – more of that later and long term injured (Mary Petit and Lesley Smith) were here to add their support. Will the day finally dawn when we all appear and just not bother with the golf?
This meet will probably be remembered as “the one with the twin’s birthday tribute”.

*Definition – Ritual humiliation serves to emphasize that the group takes precedence over its individual members. i.e. the majority are entitled to have a good laugh at another’s expense.

Sunday October 23rd – The Night Before

As usual a handful of members checked in the night before.

These included the Surrey twins now sprightly octogenarians. On the journey up Freda had lost a fight with a broccoli stalk and arrived without some of her teeth (well she had the teeth but not in her mouth). This is not the first time that Freda has had to play sans teeth. It did seem to stop her from saying that much during the meet, but as ever Shirley made up for this.

There were shenanigans on checking in as Pam had been booked into a single room and Pip not at all. (Smart move by someone – better luck next time). Once a room had been sorted out it was found to be upstairs and not unacceptable. Taff solved the problem by kindly swapping out of her room. The issue did not end there as on checkout drinks (of which rumour had it there had been considerable) had been billed to the right rooms but to the wrong people or was it the wrong rooms and the wrong people or the wrong rooms but the right people. Whatever, Taff was left sorting this out into the wee small hours of departure day.

There was some concern that Ali and Bev who were travelling from Europe had not appeared. Had the authorities already closed the borders post Brexit? or had they been caught in the “Jungle” in Calais? They finally appeared safe and sound with no lurid stories to speak of.

Monday October 24th – Day 1

We were arriving in dribs and drabs in the Spike Bar. The room still seemed pretty empty even when the first tee time was fast approaching and there seemed to be someone continually head counting – an impossible task as everyone kept moving around, like a herd of hens, to meet and greet. However, suddenly everyone seemed to be there (the noise levels were appreciably up) and the bar manager was trying, unsuccessfully, to move us to a separate room.

The proceedings were opened by Kate (who is becoming more Pam like with each meet) and whose welcoming speech was so inspiring that two local lady golfers immediately asked to join our society. Kate swiftly handed over to Sue Town who was kindly standing in as Comp Sec (SWMBO – She Who Must Be Obeyed) and who had dyed her hair multi-colours so that we would have no difficulty in finding her.

Today’s competition was to be a Pink Peril (nothing to do with the aforementioned hair). Teams of three with two scores counting but with a pink ball to be passed between each player to count double. (No pressure there then). Sue was feeling generous and allowed a provisional “pink ball” to be used if the first “went missing”. No nearest the pins today.

Never ones to take the golf too seriously there was more concern over arrangements for dinner. The Chef was dragged over from his kitchen and announced that there would be a buffet and rattled off a list of dishes. This was a bonus as we did not have to choose our meal (when not remotely hungry) in advance or more critically remember what we’d chosen.

And, so to the golf…………….

The course had many different challenges, trees (looking very beautiful with their autumn colours and more importantly still wearing them), hills, (both up and down), dog legs, well-hidden bunkers, and water – which very much came into play on the 18th. There was an enormously long walk (without exaggeration at least two miles) from the 9th green to the 10th tee. This walk could be reduced slightly if you snaked between the bedrooms – which some of us only discovered on the last day.

Staverton Park Golf Club from above.

Staverton from above, presumably taken by Patsy arriving in her helicopter

The dog-leg left 3rd hole was, according to the stroke index, one of the easier holes! Sue R and Anne had skewed their drives all of 60 yards into the trees on the left. This was after much discussion as to the length of the carry to the ditch, what club was best to use, and how their distance watches did not register the lay-ups, bunkers, etc, etc. Patsy, bored with this discussion teed off regardless and produced the best drive of the lot.

Sue waited and waited and waited for the green to clear then announced that she would aim over the trees at the golf bags IN FRONT of the green. Naturally, she launched her shot just as the golfers returned to their bags. The ball ran harmlessly through them at all of 1 to 2 m.p.h. – and someone who shall remain nameless still let out a small scream!! “Sorry,” cried Sue “I didn’t think it would go where I aimed” – not bad for someone playing off 13!!

The 18th tee was situated about 30yds behind the 9th tee and the two fairways then crossed each other (there was a sign clearly indicating this). There was a lot of confusion as to where this last tee was with some desperately trying to use the 9th again. Others now remembered this hole from our previous visits in 2008/11, not realising their previous visit had actually been about two hours earlier. Despite all this, the tee WAS situated just the right distance back for Sue R to launch her drive onto the 17th green and narrowly miss Megan Lear who was putting out at the time. Playing with Sue is the safe option if wanting to avoid being hit, unlike one group who were heard shouting “FORE” apparently to each other.

Stocky, Dot and Baggie found the water that protected the green on the 18th even though they were all trying to play safety shots. It was a popular place to lose the ball and such a shame to be so close to home as well. (Small snigger). One group managed to lose both the pink and the provisional ball in this water.

Whilst waiting for the group in front to move out of range the conversation turned to the sex of the rather large and colourful parrot (Daphne) sitting with an enigmatic smile on the umbrella holder of Patsy’s trolley. Originally this conversation started because Patsy kept calling Daphne he or him. This led on to a muddled discussion over the definitions of trans gender, trans sexual, asexual, hermaphrodite and finally ambidextrous. The potential outcome of mating Daphne with a Koala bear was left for another time.

A lone non-golfer, Shirley Hodges, was “twitching” out on the course i.e. looking for birds and WCA&GS golfers. After about an hour she eventually found one group of three (golfers that is) on the 6th – there were at least thirty-six of us out there so we should not have been that hard to find! – and as per normal she saw no birds. To help out over the next few day’s photos were taken of any birds seen. These included a heron (not seen by Shirley) a bird swarm (not seen by Shirley) and Daphne the parrot. Shirley was greeted warmly by all who met her with personal remarks about Crested Busted’s to a lesser or greater extent.

The other non-golfers were nowhere to be seen as they had broken out of camp to visit the local food emporium a.k.a. Tesco’s. They were holed up in one of the bedrooms (probably ground floor) enjoying contraband wine and sandwiches, the odd power nap, and having WhatsAPP added to their smart phones – oh how things have changed!!

Note: Drinks and food in the spike bar were very expensive even with a society subsidy of 20% off drinks, with a cheese and pickle sandwich costing £6. This was not the same bar menu Mary had been sent when organising the venue.

The bedrooms were located down a maze of corridors (though simple compared to Hawkstone Park). There was also a sneaky mezzanine floor just to confuse those not on the ground floor, and once again no lifts, or if there is they are well hidden. The rooms had lots of mirrors (which on first sight made the room look enormous and more worryingly, already occupied, until you realised you were looking at yourself). There were plenty of desks and tables but only one wardrobe with a measly five coat hangers – not enough to hang a week’s worth of clothing and no drawers for your draws. As per usual the Shower/ Bath tap configuration seemed to baffle most of us and this was generally the first topic of conversation in the bar before dinner – other than “wot yer ‘aving”

The hotel provided us with a separate dining room with a side room for the buffet. To begin with people queued, table by table, in an orderly manner to get to the food, but this soon descended into a free for all – possibly led by Pip. Things got a little chaotic with some people queuing and others waiting as the buffet ran out of food fairly regularly and the staff slow to refill. Clarkie ate all the roast potatoes waiting for the mash potatoes to arrive. “You can never have enough potatoes” she explained.

Finally, coffee was served and we moved onto the presentations and fines.

The winning score for the Pink Peril was 108, with second and third places scoring 106 and 105 respectively. As often said by sports commentators it was a game of two halves with one group scoring 60 on the front nine (with the pink ball scoring 8pts on one hole) but only 39 on the back, so managing to miss out on the prizes! Note for those that like to know these things: Four pink balls were lost and one was found – though not by the group who had lost it – obviously!

Fines were a bit thin on the ground. Everyone was doing stupid things, as usual, but these were not being reported back to Taff. Maybe they are now considered to be normal behaviour. Freda N. was fined again, for losing her teeth, and for delayed responses to questions and comments made out on the course. Does losing your teeth affect your hearing!

Ruth Bailey was fined for showing off. She had sunk a 20ft putt on the 10th (there had been reports of a 30ft putt being sunk but these could have been one and the same), and was spotted wearing a swimming hat, nose clips, and ear plugs whilst doing “tumble turns” in the swimming pool.

Anne Crawley was fined for saying how nice it was to see children out on the course.

7th hole at Staverton Park Golf Club. Photo credit De Vere Venues Staverton Estate website

7th hole – The Long Par 3

Tuesday October 25th – Day 2

The golf today was to be a 4 ball better ball but after some confusion, on most people’s parts, was eventually understood to be the same as an AM-AM. That is, in words of one syllable, the two best scores out of 4 count. No pink balls today but nearest the pins on two holes.

Before we could be let loose on the course there was time for the AGM. This was scheduled to take place after breakfast so that hopefully everyone there would be sober. We were not due out until nearly midday, allowing Ellie, the youngest player present, to manage a power nap between the AGM and her tee time.

2016 AGM
Proceedings were opened and the accounts were presented by Josie (who is doing a wonderful job) and passed without murmur (official murmur that is not the general background noise of people unable to zip it). Then a few points were raised for group discussion:

  1. It was proposed that playing members would pay subs of £5 at each meeting (instead of the usual £10 – normally paid in April). This would be collected with the prize money of £10. This adds up to paying £15 per meeting and means that those that play pay. Non-playing members will pay £5 per annum. (Not high finance but eventually everyone understood!).
  2. After much “spirited” discussion it was agreed to change the April “Championship” format to a team competition which would incorporate an individual stableford competition. Prizes for silver and bronze division winners will remain as will the trophy for the best over 70s golfer.
  3. A further discussion was held regarding the subsidy given to players representing the WCA&GS in external matches. The membership agreed that matches would continue as they are now and the current subsidy (£10) would remain. Other geographical areas could arrange matches and WCA&GS members would be entitled to receive the £10 subsidy. This would be kept under review. Members of Richmond GC (Yorks) suggested that they might arrange a match.
  4. The membership also agreed that players who required a buggy for health reasons or if they are over 65 would continue to receive a £5 subsidy for the hire of a buggy. Unofficially, some did think that 65 might be a bit too young as some venues might not have enough buggies for us all!!

There was tension in the room, with people avoiding eye contact with any committee member, as the post for Competition Secretary had become vacant. However, Ruth Bailey and Anne Crawley agreed to take on the role (with very little arm twisting) and Ellie Martin volunteered to take over the post meeting report.

Obviously the SWMBO role, possibly to be renamed TWMBO, (They who must be obeyed) is much feared as hands shot into the air, the cracking of joints sounding like bullets from a gun, to vote in the hapless pair.

Mary explained that a lot of venues are now asking for full payment prior to the meet and asked how we felt about this. It was agreed that this was OK as it is normal practice for most holiday bookings.

The next meet will be at Ullesthorpe on April 18-20, 2017.

Ellie and Clarkie agreed to take responsibility for the WCA&GS flag. At Hawkstone the flag, still hanging from the flag pole, was only spotted at the last minute as the last people drove out followed by “STOP”…… and a screeching of brakes.

Once the AGM was over we were unleashed back onto the course.

Only 40yds from the first tee a WCA&GS “brick” coloured slip-over was found (you couldn’t miss it). By simple elimination it just had to be Shirley Moore’s as she was in the group in front and no one could have possibly walked past it. In the clubhouse afterwards Shirley denied it was hers until she had pulled out the 3 layers she was still wearing to check if hers was there – even looking under her blue thermal vest. Does anyone wear a woollen slip-over under their thermal vest?

Clarkie smashed her drive beautifully, but somewhat inaccurately, off the second tee onto the very far side of the adjacent fairway. The old boys ambling up from the official tee for that fairway told her they had never seen anyone that wayward before. Well done to Clarkie, who with her gallery of new fans watching, struck a super shot back over the trees. This girl can hit a ball – on being told she had hit one drive 207 yards disagreed insisting it was 209!!

Freda N. did not have the monopoly on delayed responses. Horses were spotted in the adjacent fields wearing coats. One in particular had on a furry affair which hung down its thighs and front bits (sorry, struggling with horsey terms). “It looks like a horse in sheep’s clothing” was the quip. “That horse looks like a sheep!!” piped up Chris B five minutes later.

Lesley Smith was out on the course reporting back on all she saw. Her main concern was that the trees did not provide much cover for comfort breaks and where in the middle of the countryside were the loud speaker announcements coming from. It couldn’t be the warehouse the size of a small county standing on the horizon.

We were called to the dining room early as there was to be a surprise tribute to the birthday twins who (as previously mentioned) had turned 80. I think most people knew about this surprise except Freda and Shirley, of course.

A sketch was performed in the genre of Crossroads / Acorn Antiques as it was very difficult to tell what bits had gone wrong and what was intended.

Music played and a royal entourage including the Queen, Prince Philip, Charles and Camilla, a couple of flunkeys and rather worryingly the Queen Mother, (only recently saw her grave at Windsor Castle) entered the room. By royal proclamation Freda and Shirley were called from the floor and knighted as Dames. The Queen did the honours with a plastic sword! (Health and Safety here as she had been drinking all afternoon). All were excellent. Patsy did a wonderful silent cameo of Camilla with a fag (e-cig) hanging from her mouth. Prince Phillip seemed to have been cut off at the knees and was about two foot shorter than normal and the Queen Mum was wearing a beige dressing gown that she might have borrowed from the horse mentioned earlier.
Two protesters waving banners (June and Sandy) interrupted proceedings wanting to “Free the Northcotts”. – you have to say it out loud.

Dames of Gemini - The Musical

Cast in order of queenliness – The Queen (Pam), Prince Philip (Pip), Queen Mum (Norma), Charles (Taff), Camilla (Patsy), Flunky 1 (Kate), Flunky 2 (Weeksy)

In the time honoured tradition of all investitures Dame Shirley stood up to tell a joke (not the one she had rehearsed with Mary or the vibrator one) and it was so clean I have quite forgotten what it was. Dame Freda just smiled. All a good laugh – well done everybody – not sure there will be a second series!

Dinner seemed more organised than the previous night with plenty of food to go around. Bev who has some problems with various food types had brought along a homemade pudding cooked by her sister. Yesterday’s left overs had been stored away by the staff for tonight. However, it was lost, mislaid, no more. Despite the best efforts of the staff with Bev in tow the pudding was nowhere to be found. Bev later admitted that she was more concerned she might miss the fines than where her pudding might be. The upside of this story is that Bev succeeded in getting a “good amount” off her final bill by way of compensation – far more than the bottle of gin she would have settled for. For the next meet it has been suggested we should all bring along homemade puddings and try for rebates.

The Four Ball Better Ball / AM AM was won by Sandy, Val, Liz and Coral with a staggering 93 (NINETY THREE) points, thirteen more than the second and third placed teams. Fines were again low key and a few were heard to say they had “got away with one”. Polite reminder – we all have a duty to report to Taff as no stupid act should go un-mocked. Dame Freda was awarded the dolly for racking up the most fines over the two days. If she wins it again she might be forced to keep the dolly for life.

As the evening wore on, some disappeared to try and check out – but Taff was occupying that position, others to a crowded bar, and Stocky to track down another Pokemon. The word went out that “singing” had started in the dining room – definitely time for bed.

October 26th – Day 3

The final competition was to be a Tex-Mex a.k.a. a Texas Scramble step-aside. i.e. The player whose ball is chosen does not play the next shot. Three drives were to be taken by each team member and everyone was to putt. Twenty-eight people stayed to play and were divided into four balls. This all became a bit scrambled as several people wanted to leave after nine holes. Those that lost a player would not need to step-aside, but of course some still did, and one very careless group managed to lose two players. Amongst this confusion there were also two nearest the pins.

It was an early start (first tee 9:30) and bodies and minds were tired ………and emotional. There was much huffing and sighing as players bent down in stages to mark their balls. On the first green Taff asked how were four people going to putt when there were only three balls on the green!

Patsy finished on the 9th and returned to the clubhouse only to discover her mobile was missing – yes, it had been on the buggy with her, but a grandchild was due imminently and Grandma Patsy was on tenterhooks. However, this is 2016 and by using the appropriate app on her i-pad she was able to track her phone back to the 9th fairway and also find a few Pokemon on the way.

The first and second groups returned to the clubhouse and waited a couple of months for the rest of the field to come in. Weeksy (first group back) suddenly realised she had left the scorecard on the buggy. She rushed to the Pro shop only to find the buggy was back out on the course. She eventually caught up with it on the 2nd tee – not sure if she flagged down a passing buggy or sprinted all the way there!!

The injured golfers were kept busy helping Patsy track down her mobile, sorting out more checking out problems (Norma this time) – there is a pattern emerging here. Then it was off to that favourite watering hole to get more sandwiches.

It had been noted, and reported back by an observant non-golfer/spy, that the last group (Bev, June, Baggie and Clarkie) had practiced their putting, had a group hug, and discussed tactics before starting out. These tactics seemed to take some time to implement as they were a long time finishing. They did however win the competition (with a net 59) so there must be something to be said for these group hugs!

A little rain fell towards the end of the round which was just enough to ensure that we drove home with wet golf gear. The prize giving eventually took place around 3pm complete with thanks and fond farewells. As for the flag ……………………

The Par 3 12th – Nearest the Pin hole

The Par 3 12th – Nearest the Pin hole

THINGS YOU LEARN DURING A ROUND OF GOLF

  • Chris Bailey was once stuck in a lift with Douglas Bader – yes Douglas Bader – not to be confused with Kenneth Moore
  • Koala bears are rampant with chlamydia
  • Ambidextrous has nothing to do with trans gender – on the other hand…………
  • Bras can last longer than 64 machine washes
  • Group hugs are the key to golfing success

Results

Pink Peril
1st – JB, Dame Shirley Moore, Ellie Martin – 108
2nd – Ali Roberts, Pauline Weeks, Kate Brown – 106
3rd – Debbie Stock, Dot Furby, Maria Bagust – 105

Four Ball Better Ball / AM AM
1st – Sandy Gristwood, Val Castle, Liz Whelan, Coral Handley – 93
2nd – Angie Bainbridge, Pauline Weeks, Dame Shirley Moore, Remi Russell – 80cb
3rd – Anne Crawley, Kate Brown, Sarah Clarke, Chris Bailey – 80cb
NTP Hole 4 – 0-20 JB, 21+ Sarah Clarke
NTP Hole 12 – 0-20 Debbie Stock, 21+ Dame Shirley Moore

Tex Mex
1st – Bev Fentiman, June Edney, Maria Baggust, Sarah Clarke – 59
2nd – Debbie Stock, Ruth Bailey, Liz Whelan, Coral Hanley – 61.2
3rd – Sandy Gristwood, Ali Roberts, Jo Osbourne, Ellie Martin – 64.5
NTP Hole 4 – 0-20 Susan Town, 21+ Chris Bailey
NTP Hole 12 – 0-20 Susan Town, 21+ Coral Handley

Attendees
Angie Bainbridge, Maria Bagust, Chris Bailey, Ruth Bailey, Jan Brittin, Kate Brown, Val Castle, Sarah Clarke, Pam Crain (NP), Anne Crawley, June Edney, Sue Everett (NP), Bev Fentiman, Dorothy Furby, Susan Garner, Sandy Gristwood, Nan Haggerty (NP), Shirley Hodges (NP), Coral Handley, Norma Izard (NP), Megan Lear, Ellie Martin, Taff Martin, Dame Shirley Moore, Dame Freda Northcott, Jo Osborne, Mary Pettit (NP), Sue Redfern, Ali Roberts, Remi Russell, Freda Simpkin, Lesley Smith (NP), Debbie Stock, Shirley Taylor, Sue Town, Pip Vyvyan, Pauline Weekes, Liz Whelan

Thanks

Thanks to all the committee members for working so hard to make this event happen. Looking forward to Ullesthorpe already.